Things I miss

I've given up caffeine, sugar, sushi, deli meat, and hotdogs. I'm getting back pain, cramps, and swollen tender boobs. Yet the thing I miss the most is being regular. For as far back as I can remember I've always been a once a day BM kind of girl. There has been an occasional constipation or diarrhea, but for the most part, once a day, every day. Yet for the last 2 weeks, I have been switching back and forth between being constipated or having diarrhea. The constipation part has been explained, the baby is absorbing all the water and nutrient so my waste is more solid. But the diarrhea? I have no idea why. So now in addition to the bottle of prenatal vitamins at my desk, I have a container of prunes, a hot water bottle for the cramps, and crackers for my hunger. My desk is beginning to look like the inside of my grandma's purse. Except she has more bottles of drugs.

Shopping. Yah. Flowy tops. Not yah.

For the most part, my clothes are of the body hugging variety. Not skin-tight, whorish or anything like that but I don't like loose tops; they make me look bigger than I am. But lately, the last week or so, I am unable to suck in my little pooch and it looks just icky under my cute tops. So while I am excited at the prospect of having a baby, I'm not so excited by going shopping for bigger clothes. BWB offered to go with me, but for some reason, I feel as though he'll look at me differently if I have to try on these clothes in front of him. I took my girlfriend, Jade, instead. I figured that once I have picked out some cute stuff, I will show him those and not subject him to the potential mumus. JCPenny is having a huge sale and I got such cute stuff! I bought them in large, instead of the usual medium so that I can wear them well into the 2nd trimester. (Kinda sucks to have to think about money saving and all that. If only BWB is already finished with law school instead of just starting.) The one thing I did buy that probably wont last is a long casual dress from Charlotte Russe. It looks great while the weather is still warm and sexy while I'm still not showing much and my boobs are huge.

Weird Science

Holy cow. My boobs are huge! It's like getting a boob job but my boobs aren't hard and there'll be a baby sucking on them in 8 months. I stared at them for a good 5 minutes. I didn't even notice BWB walking into the bathroom until he exclaimed, "Holy cow. Your boobs are huge!" The only bad thing is that they feel like someone's been using them as punching bags. Ouch.

I don't "feel pregnant"

I used to ride bikes. The long distance kind. Not Tour de France long, but long. The very first day of the biking season is a special one. The crisp fall air. The dull ache on my butt from the bike seat. The hundreds of cyclists lined up at the starting line. And on that day, I feel like a cyclist. My body tingle with the anticipation of the first push of the pedal. I feel slightly nauseous from the rush of adrenaline. My hands are white because I'm gripping the handles so hard. I feel like a cyclist.

I don't feel pregnant. I don't even know if I'm supposed to feel anything yet. Except for the two days where the EPT tests showed a plus sign, I can't even tell that I am pregnant. In the coming weeks/months, there will be more signs but I just wish I could feel something like the first day of the cycling season.

To tell or not to tell

I've told two people at work, Kristy and Amanda. Kristy because I knew she would love to say, "I told you so." Amanda because she's about 5 months pregnant and I thought it would be fun to commiserate. And speaking of telling people...I am actually dreading telling my friend Mai. She tried to have a baby for a year with no success only to find out her eggs are not viable and her husband's swimmers aren't viable either. What are the odds of those two getting together, right? Anyways, she's the jealous type and I just know she'll break down and cry. And who could blame her? We've known each other for almost 20 years and in all that time, the one thing she has always wanted was a baby. Through bad boyfriends, and good boyfriends, and an ex-fiancee, she knew having a baby was what she wanted. I, on the other hand, flip-flopped. When I was young and idyllic, I thought about husbands and babies, but through my tumultuous 20's, I was content with just being happy with a guy. I even once told her I didn't want to get married, that living together was fine with me. Of course that changed when I met BWB. Now I'm married and I actually want to have kids with him. So I know my news will hurt her because even though she wont say it, she'll think why does a person like me get to have something that I didn't even want all that badly until 6 months ago and someone like her who has wanted it all her life be denied.

One positive, good. Two positives, really good.

I took another home pregnancy test today. It too was positive. Yah. And because I'm OCD, I called my doctor and made an appointment for tomorrow for a qualitative blood test. You know, just to be extra doubly sure.

I'm OCD and neurotic, my poor baby

After we told our parents about the good news, we, well, I decided that I should read more information on a possible false-positive home pregnancy test. Why? Because I'm neurotic. One possible cause of a false-positive (which isn't really false) is a chemical pregnancy. All the articles say the same thing, a chemical pregnancy is one where fertilization happens, but due to possible genetics abnormalities, it is aborted. But since it is so early, it looks like a late period. Since it has only been 4 days since P-Day, I started to panic. What if this is what it is. I am 33 after all. Not a spring chicken anymore. And the percentage of women having a chemical pregnancy is 75%. Why should I be so lucky? 3 hours and 200 articles later, I chastised BWB for convincing me to tell our parents so early. If it turns out to be a chemical pregnancy, they will all be crushed.

I decided that I will test again tomorrow. And call the doctor to get a blood test to be sure on Tuesday. I'm definitely asking for a qualitative blood test -- gives the units of hGC.

There might be a baby

I woke up early this morning. 4:30 to be exact. Probably the most exciting/nervous day of my life. I'm more excited today than my wedding day. And definitely more nervous. I knew I was gonna married BWB. I didn't know if I would have his baby today. So as I quietly tore the EPT package open, I thought about how I would tell BWB if I am pregnant. I've already taken a test 8 days ago (5 days before I was supposed to get my period) and that was negative. I've told him about the result of that test so he's not expecting anything, except me telling him that I'm ovulating and to hurry up and get home from law school so we can get going. Anyways, it is 3 days after P-Day and still nothing so I'm hopeful this time. With a little flashlight (I didn't want to wake him up), I peed on the stick and set it down on the counter as I start the time -- 3 minutes -- and read the instructions. At 30 seconds I shined the flashlight on it. +. Hm. Probably too soon. 1 minute. +. It was still there. 2 minutes. Still there. 3 minutes. +. I reread the instructions, + is baby, - is no baby. It was definitely a +.

I couldn't sleep after that. Instead, I googled how to surprise your husband with the good news. I settled on the idea of asking for "baby" food like "baby back ribs", "baby carrot", etc. So at about 10 this morning, he asked if I would like to get something to eat, I listed the food, "Baby back ribs, baby carrots, maybe some baby corn." "You have baby on the brain, sweetie." "I might have baby elsewhere." "What? Really? Are you serious?!?!" I showed him the test.

Data digestion

While I wait for the little pink line to become two pink lines, I decided to read about this wonderful *snark* journey to motherhood. What I love about BabyCenter.com is the toolbar they have at the top.

At the different stage of your journey, you can read all the articles related so as not to overwhelm yourself with too much info. Hopefully in the next week or so I can go from "Getting Pregnant" to "Pregnancy" and worry about things like ectopic pregnancies, but for now, I'll worry about how much it's gonna cost to raise a child.

There's still a chance

So I spoke to my neonatologist friend (it's good to have one when you're trying get pregnant) last night and she confirmed my hopes that home pregnancy tests are very inaccurate this early. Normally, she said, they give better results the farther along you are, like a week after your missed period. That's because they measure HCG level and the level increases the longer you're pregnant. But what about my PMS symptoms? The bloating, the cramping, the breakouts? Apparently, you can have PMS and still be pregnant. We're a lucky bunch, us women. Anyways, so the doc/friend said that the best time to use the home pregnancy test is a week after your missed period and to use the first pee.

As happy as I am to get this news, it also makes me dread tomorrow when my period is due, when yesterday, I was already expecting it.

Hubby keeps telling me not to stressed about it. I keep telling him I'm not. But really, if he says it one more time...this potential baby is going to grow up without a father. Hehe.

"We're out of babies this month...try again next month"

After waiting an excruciating 5 days, I broke down and took the pregnancy test. Negative. Those tests aren't 100% accurate are they? Especially this one which I bought in Rome while we were on our honeymoon two months ago? Alright. I'm accepting reality, I just want to be wishful for a second.

I will have to buy another OV Watch sensor. I thought about buying the 3-pack but then I will have to admit to myself that it might take that long. So I am just buying the 1-pack for this coming month.

Some things I would like to do differently this month:
1) get back to my workout routine from before the wedding (no need to add more weight than necessary)
2) remember to take my pre-natal vitamin every day
3) have husband come home from law school earlier so we can get started earlier so I won't be stressed out that I only have 4 hours of sleep left

The waiting game

According to the OV Watch, the period optimal for baby making has ended as of 40 minutes ago -- it is reading NF again. Nothing to do now but wait. My next period is supposed to be the 18th, that's 7 days from now. Seven very long days. Funny how in the past when the First Response commercial with its "know the result up to 5 days sooner" message ran, I would think, "so what's 5 day?" But now that I am waiting 8 days, I am thinking of buying the First Response test so I too can know "5 days sooner".

Fertile Day 1

Did you know that a woman is only fertile about 1 day month? That the egg is viable for about 6 hours that fertile day? I'm amazed that the earth has as many people as it does. For those of us who aren't leaving things to chance encounters of the egg and the sperm, there are multiple tests/kits/charts out there that help predict the best time to have sex to conceive. For me, I am trying the OV watch. I've been wearing the watch everyday since the first day of my last period, August 21. This morning, when I woke up and checked the watch, no more NF (not fertile) reading. I got the Fertile Day 1 message. I couldn't contain my excitement, and this is only the reading for a fertile day! I also used the ovulation calculator on babycenter.com. It's free after all. They were pretty close. According to the calendar, my first fertitle day was yesterday.

New chapter in Tnar's life

Well, I guess Tnar's single life is over. Not that I'm sad mind you. As much fun as I had being single and blogging about my silly dating life, I am just as happy to be blogging about my silly married and trying to start a family life. On with the baby making.