I'm not fat...I'm pregnant

I kinda like having this little pregger belly. I think it's cute. That is, until I stood next to this fat woman in the elevator and our bellies looked EXACTLY the same. I wanna cry.

It's official...being pregnant sucks

I'm on medication for high blood pressure. Two days of cutting out salt entirely did not lower the reading. Not that I think I can go like that for 5 more months. At the doctor's office yesterday, I get more bad news, I have gestational diabetes. In addition to cutting sweets, carbs, fruits, I will have to test my blood sugar 4 times a day. For 2 weeks. That's 56 sticks. No wonder my parents always said, "the sacrifices I made for you". I'm so totally using that on my kid!

Knock three times...

Holy cow. The last time I felt something in the general baby vicinity was when I was 13 weeks, that's 3 weeks ago. Since then, nothing. Then this morning, constant thump-thump-thump. Well, if there was a noise associated with it, that's what it would sound like. I've felt kicks before on other women's bellies and while it's weird, it is definitely a hundred times weirder when it's is happening to you. And you feel it on the inside.

There's salt in my cereal

No really. My Cinnamon Toast Crunch has 220mg of sodium, more than the recommended amount that I can eat. At this point, being on medication is looking really good. Hopefully the reading at the dr in an hour will be good and I can "keep on eye" on it instead of going on a full sodium ban.

Yah! Another thing for me to worry about

Yesterday was my first appointment with the OB/GYN in my second trimester. This appointment is important because there were things that I couldn't do in the first and new things that popped up that I wanted to ask her. I repeated the list to myself the entire day so I wouldn't forget. "sex, swimming, acne, itchy nips" "sex, swimming, acne, itchy nips" "sex, swimming, acne, itchy nips". So I get there, I peed, I weighted (gain back the 5 lbs I lost in the first trimester), and had my blood pressure taken.

"Hmm" said the nurse.

"What?"

"Your blood pressure is elevated."

"What's the reading?"

"150 over 100"

"Wow. That is high. Should I be worried?"

"The doctor can tell you more"

So while I was contemplating what having high pressure means, the nurse is having trouble finding the heartbeat which brought on another "hmmm" and a second nurse is called in and she also tried finding the heartbeat using the doppler. No luck.

By now, I am more than a little nervous. First my blood pressure and now they can't find the heartbeat. Needless to say, I forgot the about the sex, the swimming, the acne, and the itchy boobs.

The doctor was able to find the flashing of the heart on the vaginal ultrasound, but then she launched into this whole thing about the blood pressure. How I need to go on medication. Yikes! The second option is to watch my sodium intake and see if the situation improves. Only 200mg of sodium per item I eat. I chose the second because while I know it will be hard to do, I hate taking medicine more.

I go in tomorrow for a reading. Cross fingers.

The "Preggo" brain

If you've never heard of it, it is where the pregnant woman is a complete idiot because all the nutrients, blood, and good air go to the fetus and she is walking around aimlessly trying to remember why she's walking upstairs. I actually think those movies about zombies are not actually zombies. They're just pregnant women who can't remember what they were doing a few seconds ago.

This blog was started so I can write my thoughts about becoming a mom. But whenever I remember to log on, I can't remember what I want to write about. In the back of my addled brain, I remember something funny or scary had happened but for the life of me, I can't remember what. BWB suggested that as soon as my brain thinks, "hey, I should write this down", I should jump right on while it's fresh in my mind. And yet, I've been somewhere that makes it impossible. So then I think, as soon as I am in front of a computer. But here we are, 20 days after my last post. I know a great many things happened, I just can't remember what, or the details.

I'm running a marathon...

...or it's the baby's heartbeat.

I'm not sure if it's cute that BWB thought the 165 beats per minute we were hearing was my heart or it's scary that he's so clueless.

Fair weather environmentalist

Did you know that from the time the baby is born until it is potty-trained, you would have thrown away 5000 diapers into a landfill? In an average year, Americans throw away 16 billion diapers or 2.7 million tons of diapers into landfills. That is staggering. Being a fair weather environmentalist, I didn't use to care. I recycle when the boxes are put out, use fluorescent bulbs in the house, and turn off the air/heat/lights when I am not home. Essentially, I try to save the planet when it's easy to do so. Mai, on the other hand, does so much more. She recycles everything. She and her husband are trading in their car for a hybrid. They pay more to use green energy. They even compost. So when it comes to diapers, I totally assumed that she would do something green like the gdiapers. I knew she wouldn't go with cloth since the ick factor is much higher on the list of importance than being green. But it surprised me that she is going for full disposable. I AM doing the gDiaper route. I feel so superior to her.

Eating for 10

Ok. I have a love/hate relationship with my pregnancy pants. I love them because they're so comfortable. No cutting into my stomach. No trouble breathing. But I also hate them. My belly isn't big enough to hold them up so they slide down after walking around for a bit. So I'm constantly pulling them up and I look retarded in the middle of the street trying to hike my pants up. And then there's the eating. I don't feel full because they stretch as my belly stretch as I stuff myself. I went to a chinese buffet last night and litterally ate 3 full plates of food. And not the good expensive meat and seafood either. I couldn't get enough of the various noodles. Just stir-fried carbs with soy sauce. And on top of that, I didn't get any sympathy from BWB. I've got to return these pants or at least wait until I actually have a stomach to wear them.

Best doctor's comment ever

Had my first doctor's visit today. The woman is maddening. She speaks fast, walk fast, and let fly embarrassing comments really fast. Like when I commented that the transvaginal ultrasound is really big (length, not girth), she said as my mother was walking into the room, "I'm sure you've had much bigger than this before". I love this woman!

Oh, here's the ultrasound pic. Well, not exactly, but the real one looks pretty much the same.

Everybody's pregnant

It's like when you are interested in a car, you see it every where you drive. Leah just told me that she's pregnant. Exactly a week after me. Then Mai called. You know, the one that couldn't get pregnant? Well, she's pregnant. 17 weeks and counting. I was so thrilled with her news, I almost forgot to tell her about mine. Now we can be happy together instead of me happy and her depressed. Yah.

The doctor will not see you now

Seriously, what does it take to see my ob/gyn? When I'm actually delivering? Two bleeding episodes, two phone calls to the doctor's office, and two "We'll keep an eye on it". Other moms-to-be on the babycenter.com board commented that once they called their doctors with the same problem, the doctor either told them to come in right away if it's during the day or go to the emergency room if it's after hour. My first appointment isn't for another 2 weeks. My fear is, there wont be a baby there at the ultrasound.

Boy Names

If things are ok and the pregnancy is still on, these are some boy names I am considering:

Aidan - fire
Bennett - little blessed one
Brandon - sword
Brendan - little raven
Caleb - faithful, bold
Cavan - handsome
Colin - victor
Conlan - hero
Devlin - brave
Joshua - lord is salvation
Kai - sea
Lucas - bringer of light
Sebastian - majestic
Wyatt - water

Scary moment

Having a husband who studies all the time is the best thing for a dirty house. I'm not a neat freak but I am clean and orderly, except when BWB and I are together. For some reason, his messiness rubs off on me. Ever since he moved into my townhouse, I can't keep it clean. Ever. We were always so busy doing fun stuff together that cleaning house was never a priority. I've hired a maid but she has all but given up on keeping it neat. She dusts around the messes. Anyways, ever since law school started, BWB has been spending 10, 12, sometimes 14 hours at school. When I get home from work, I have 5 hours to myself every night until he gets home. At first, it was great because I didn't have to watch TV shows he likes. It was all "Dancing with the Stars" and "Desperate Housewives" and "Sex and the City" reruns all the time. But now, I'm a little bored. So last night, I decided to get this house back in order. I decided to start with the smallest room, the kitchen pantry. See, I have a habit of keeping boxes of things I buy. My thought is that when I move, I'll have the box the item came in. So the pantry was full of boxes for the scale, the pots and pans, the glasses, even the box for the carpet steamer cleaner. After an hour and a half of breaking down boxes, sweeping the floor, organizing the food, and taking out the trash, I was exhausted. My back ached, my stomach started to cramp and my legs felt like jello. At 1 am, about two hours since the cleaning frenzy, I went to pee (something I do a lot these days) and noticed a pink tint on the tissue. My stomach was still cramping pretty bad and my back was throbbing. In a panic, I dialed my doctor's calling service and request a call back. She said the only thing to do is to monitor the bleeding. If it gets worse, then get myself to an emergency room. I woke up every hour or so to check my undies. And every time I feel wetness, my entire body would go cold. It was so nerve wracking. But this morning, the spotting has stopped, the pain in my stomach has decrease to a slight ache and my back didn't hurt anymore. BWB was so furious with me for not taking it easy. I'm not sure if that was related to my cleaning episode but I will take it easy from now on. But you should see the pantry. Marth Stewart would be proud

Bye bye Betty

You know how certain moments in your life make you realize that you've passed certain life markers? Like the first time I had my period and I realized that life is gonna suck for the next 50 years. No. I kid. I realized that I'm no longer a girl. Ok. I didn't actually realize that at the moment. But it was a profound moment none the less. Or my first paycheck from the job after college. It was a beautiful moment to know that I didn't have to ask my parents for lunch money. The day I got Betty, my crystal blue convertible Miata. Now that was a moment. I've been wanting a Miata ever since the first model introduced in 1989. I researched the dealership, researched the price, researched the financing. I couldn't believe that I was going to buy it. Nay. Not just buy it. But ordered it in the exact specifications I want. When it was delivered, it had 3 miles on it. And as I laid my eyes on it for the first time, I knew its name was Betty. That was back in 2002. That car and I have been through everything: an accident, a car-gasm, first date with BWB, my drive-away car at the wedding.
But this is where Betty and I must part. It never occurred to me that Betty wouldn't be with me until she dies. The whole thing started when my mom asked if I intend to get a new car since a 2-seater convertible is hardly the appropriate vehicle for a family. After much deliberation, BWB and I made the choice to let Betty go. In one swift moment, I went from single gal with a convertible to married gal with a convertible to mom. I'm already looking forward to the day all my imaginary kids have left the imaginary nest so I can buy another Miata, Betty Deux.

Things I miss

I've given up caffeine, sugar, sushi, deli meat, and hotdogs. I'm getting back pain, cramps, and swollen tender boobs. Yet the thing I miss the most is being regular. For as far back as I can remember I've always been a once a day BM kind of girl. There has been an occasional constipation or diarrhea, but for the most part, once a day, every day. Yet for the last 2 weeks, I have been switching back and forth between being constipated or having diarrhea. The constipation part has been explained, the baby is absorbing all the water and nutrient so my waste is more solid. But the diarrhea? I have no idea why. So now in addition to the bottle of prenatal vitamins at my desk, I have a container of prunes, a hot water bottle for the cramps, and crackers for my hunger. My desk is beginning to look like the inside of my grandma's purse. Except she has more bottles of drugs.

Shopping. Yah. Flowy tops. Not yah.

For the most part, my clothes are of the body hugging variety. Not skin-tight, whorish or anything like that but I don't like loose tops; they make me look bigger than I am. But lately, the last week or so, I am unable to suck in my little pooch and it looks just icky under my cute tops. So while I am excited at the prospect of having a baby, I'm not so excited by going shopping for bigger clothes. BWB offered to go with me, but for some reason, I feel as though he'll look at me differently if I have to try on these clothes in front of him. I took my girlfriend, Jade, instead. I figured that once I have picked out some cute stuff, I will show him those and not subject him to the potential mumus. JCPenny is having a huge sale and I got such cute stuff! I bought them in large, instead of the usual medium so that I can wear them well into the 2nd trimester. (Kinda sucks to have to think about money saving and all that. If only BWB is already finished with law school instead of just starting.) The one thing I did buy that probably wont last is a long casual dress from Charlotte Russe. It looks great while the weather is still warm and sexy while I'm still not showing much and my boobs are huge.

Weird Science

Holy cow. My boobs are huge! It's like getting a boob job but my boobs aren't hard and there'll be a baby sucking on them in 8 months. I stared at them for a good 5 minutes. I didn't even notice BWB walking into the bathroom until he exclaimed, "Holy cow. Your boobs are huge!" The only bad thing is that they feel like someone's been using them as punching bags. Ouch.

I don't "feel pregnant"

I used to ride bikes. The long distance kind. Not Tour de France long, but long. The very first day of the biking season is a special one. The crisp fall air. The dull ache on my butt from the bike seat. The hundreds of cyclists lined up at the starting line. And on that day, I feel like a cyclist. My body tingle with the anticipation of the first push of the pedal. I feel slightly nauseous from the rush of adrenaline. My hands are white because I'm gripping the handles so hard. I feel like a cyclist.

I don't feel pregnant. I don't even know if I'm supposed to feel anything yet. Except for the two days where the EPT tests showed a plus sign, I can't even tell that I am pregnant. In the coming weeks/months, there will be more signs but I just wish I could feel something like the first day of the cycling season.

To tell or not to tell

I've told two people at work, Kristy and Amanda. Kristy because I knew she would love to say, "I told you so." Amanda because she's about 5 months pregnant and I thought it would be fun to commiserate. And speaking of telling people...I am actually dreading telling my friend Mai. She tried to have a baby for a year with no success only to find out her eggs are not viable and her husband's swimmers aren't viable either. What are the odds of those two getting together, right? Anyways, she's the jealous type and I just know she'll break down and cry. And who could blame her? We've known each other for almost 20 years and in all that time, the one thing she has always wanted was a baby. Through bad boyfriends, and good boyfriends, and an ex-fiancee, she knew having a baby was what she wanted. I, on the other hand, flip-flopped. When I was young and idyllic, I thought about husbands and babies, but through my tumultuous 20's, I was content with just being happy with a guy. I even once told her I didn't want to get married, that living together was fine with me. Of course that changed when I met BWB. Now I'm married and I actually want to have kids with him. So I know my news will hurt her because even though she wont say it, she'll think why does a person like me get to have something that I didn't even want all that badly until 6 months ago and someone like her who has wanted it all her life be denied.

One positive, good. Two positives, really good.

I took another home pregnancy test today. It too was positive. Yah. And because I'm OCD, I called my doctor and made an appointment for tomorrow for a qualitative blood test. You know, just to be extra doubly sure.

I'm OCD and neurotic, my poor baby

After we told our parents about the good news, we, well, I decided that I should read more information on a possible false-positive home pregnancy test. Why? Because I'm neurotic. One possible cause of a false-positive (which isn't really false) is a chemical pregnancy. All the articles say the same thing, a chemical pregnancy is one where fertilization happens, but due to possible genetics abnormalities, it is aborted. But since it is so early, it looks like a late period. Since it has only been 4 days since P-Day, I started to panic. What if this is what it is. I am 33 after all. Not a spring chicken anymore. And the percentage of women having a chemical pregnancy is 75%. Why should I be so lucky? 3 hours and 200 articles later, I chastised BWB for convincing me to tell our parents so early. If it turns out to be a chemical pregnancy, they will all be crushed.

I decided that I will test again tomorrow. And call the doctor to get a blood test to be sure on Tuesday. I'm definitely asking for a qualitative blood test -- gives the units of hGC.

There might be a baby

I woke up early this morning. 4:30 to be exact. Probably the most exciting/nervous day of my life. I'm more excited today than my wedding day. And definitely more nervous. I knew I was gonna married BWB. I didn't know if I would have his baby today. So as I quietly tore the EPT package open, I thought about how I would tell BWB if I am pregnant. I've already taken a test 8 days ago (5 days before I was supposed to get my period) and that was negative. I've told him about the result of that test so he's not expecting anything, except me telling him that I'm ovulating and to hurry up and get home from law school so we can get going. Anyways, it is 3 days after P-Day and still nothing so I'm hopeful this time. With a little flashlight (I didn't want to wake him up), I peed on the stick and set it down on the counter as I start the time -- 3 minutes -- and read the instructions. At 30 seconds I shined the flashlight on it. +. Hm. Probably too soon. 1 minute. +. It was still there. 2 minutes. Still there. 3 minutes. +. I reread the instructions, + is baby, - is no baby. It was definitely a +.

I couldn't sleep after that. Instead, I googled how to surprise your husband with the good news. I settled on the idea of asking for "baby" food like "baby back ribs", "baby carrot", etc. So at about 10 this morning, he asked if I would like to get something to eat, I listed the food, "Baby back ribs, baby carrots, maybe some baby corn." "You have baby on the brain, sweetie." "I might have baby elsewhere." "What? Really? Are you serious?!?!" I showed him the test.

Data digestion

While I wait for the little pink line to become two pink lines, I decided to read about this wonderful *snark* journey to motherhood. What I love about BabyCenter.com is the toolbar they have at the top.

At the different stage of your journey, you can read all the articles related so as not to overwhelm yourself with too much info. Hopefully in the next week or so I can go from "Getting Pregnant" to "Pregnancy" and worry about things like ectopic pregnancies, but for now, I'll worry about how much it's gonna cost to raise a child.

There's still a chance

So I spoke to my neonatologist friend (it's good to have one when you're trying get pregnant) last night and she confirmed my hopes that home pregnancy tests are very inaccurate this early. Normally, she said, they give better results the farther along you are, like a week after your missed period. That's because they measure HCG level and the level increases the longer you're pregnant. But what about my PMS symptoms? The bloating, the cramping, the breakouts? Apparently, you can have PMS and still be pregnant. We're a lucky bunch, us women. Anyways, so the doc/friend said that the best time to use the home pregnancy test is a week after your missed period and to use the first pee.

As happy as I am to get this news, it also makes me dread tomorrow when my period is due, when yesterday, I was already expecting it.

Hubby keeps telling me not to stressed about it. I keep telling him I'm not. But really, if he says it one more time...this potential baby is going to grow up without a father. Hehe.

"We're out of babies this month...try again next month"

After waiting an excruciating 5 days, I broke down and took the pregnancy test. Negative. Those tests aren't 100% accurate are they? Especially this one which I bought in Rome while we were on our honeymoon two months ago? Alright. I'm accepting reality, I just want to be wishful for a second.

I will have to buy another OV Watch sensor. I thought about buying the 3-pack but then I will have to admit to myself that it might take that long. So I am just buying the 1-pack for this coming month.

Some things I would like to do differently this month:
1) get back to my workout routine from before the wedding (no need to add more weight than necessary)
2) remember to take my pre-natal vitamin every day
3) have husband come home from law school earlier so we can get started earlier so I won't be stressed out that I only have 4 hours of sleep left

The waiting game

According to the OV Watch, the period optimal for baby making has ended as of 40 minutes ago -- it is reading NF again. Nothing to do now but wait. My next period is supposed to be the 18th, that's 7 days from now. Seven very long days. Funny how in the past when the First Response commercial with its "know the result up to 5 days sooner" message ran, I would think, "so what's 5 day?" But now that I am waiting 8 days, I am thinking of buying the First Response test so I too can know "5 days sooner".

Fertile Day 1

Did you know that a woman is only fertile about 1 day month? That the egg is viable for about 6 hours that fertile day? I'm amazed that the earth has as many people as it does. For those of us who aren't leaving things to chance encounters of the egg and the sperm, there are multiple tests/kits/charts out there that help predict the best time to have sex to conceive. For me, I am trying the OV watch. I've been wearing the watch everyday since the first day of my last period, August 21. This morning, when I woke up and checked the watch, no more NF (not fertile) reading. I got the Fertile Day 1 message. I couldn't contain my excitement, and this is only the reading for a fertile day! I also used the ovulation calculator on babycenter.com. It's free after all. They were pretty close. According to the calendar, my first fertitle day was yesterday.

New chapter in Tnar's life

Well, I guess Tnar's single life is over. Not that I'm sad mind you. As much fun as I had being single and blogging about my silly dating life, I am just as happy to be blogging about my silly married and trying to start a family life. On with the baby making.